Big shoes to fill

I've been neglecting this blog but a few recent emails from you guys made me start reflecting again on my journey thus far. I really want to give thanks to God for giving me this opportunity to come here and train. I honestly don't know why I deserve to come here instead of someone else. I don't know what else is in store for me in my RSAF journey, what future appointments I'll hold, which other squadrons I'll go to.

All I know is that when I do go back to Singapore (Aug 2020), I'm expected to be "senior" and take on instructor roles, teach the juniors what I've learn in my 2 year stint in US. I've seen those that have come before me, how much knowledge they have learnt and imparted to me and my fellow mates. Now it's my turn to continue the cycle and do the same. 

It's scary. What if I'm not good enough? What if I learnt the wrong thing and teach the wrong thing? What if my juniors don't make it because I can't teach properly? What if I didn't actually maximize my opportunity to learn as much as I can here? My biggest fear is my juniors asking me a question I don't know the answer to since I know I'm not exactly textbook smart (I cant remember facts and numbers for nuts). 

I'm 3 "practical exams" away from completing my training here where I have to control multiple aircraft in a tactical fight. Sometimes I laugh and wonder how the heck did I even get here, I mean it was just yesterday I was at my workstation at level 12 in Raffles Place, answering client's calls, replying scores of emails, meeting KPIs, having lunch in CBD and squeezing in the train home after a long's day work. 

All I can say I'm much happier now in the RSAF and God has really blessed me in this aspect. Like many, I grew up worrying I could never find a job after graduating, let alone a job where I can find satisfaction and also be financially independent. God really found the right job for me and I can't be more thankful.